Author Archives: Josie Grundler

Why Dogs are better than Valentine’s Day Dates

Jeffrey Magnusson

Mikey and Cooper sitting in a tree

Every year we experience this. The shine of a new year begins to fade as January wraps up, the usual mix of somewhat funny commercials turns to engagement rings and fancy necklaces, and stores begin to stock up on all things pink and brilliant red. It must be February. I’m going to come out and say it: I experience extreme dread every year leading up to Valentine’s Day.

When I was a kid and there was no real expectation upon me to give my parents a real present, I would still be nervous that the crayon drawing wouldn’t be enough to showcase my love; or that they would somehow be able to tell that I was more focused on cartoons when I was drawing it. In middle school I grew up thinking that the mature thing to do once you turn 11 was to give a girl a teddy bear, and she would think it was romantic and cute. I was wrong. I’ve tried it all- from going incognito with your affection and leaving notes and flowers only to find that somebody else took credit for it, to making a special (and expensive!) dinner for your date and burning the whole thing to oblivion. Even now when I have a loving partner and a stable relationship, I still worry that the experience won’t be enough to properly display my affection and love for them.

But you know what I found? There’s a solution to all of this that is easy, simple, and effective: Disregard Valentine’s Day entirely and just pour all of your affection and love into your pet. Make it a day to celebrate all the days (365) a year that your pet loves you unconditionally. Think about it: Has a dog ever not shown up to a date with you? No! Where would they even go?? Has a dog ever scoffed at a teddy bear that you give them? They might rip it to shreds, but they will do so with JOY and APPRECIATION in their hearts. Dog Dinners? Cheap, and no cooking required, and they ALWAYS find it to be delicious. Do you have to dress up in tight or uncomfortable clothing to impress your dog? You can, but they really can’t tell the difference.

Here’s a more straightforward list of reason why dogs are better than Valentine’s Day Dates:

  • Dogs can’t eat chocolate. No need to share!
  • Dogs don’t expect anything. Like anything at all. Just being there with you is a bonus.
  • Dog’s won’t break up with you and then date your friends
  • Dog’s don’t care if you eat too much and don’t feel sexy
  • Dogs won’t buy those awful candy hearts for you (seriously they’re the worst)
  • Dogs are furry, and perfect for snuggling

There you have it. If you have any objections to this, feel free to comment and try to change my mind. (Protip: You can’t.)